A childhood friend messaged me on facebook roughly thirty minutes ago explaining that my father just got out of the hospital from having a stroke, he died and got brought back. He spent weeks in the hospital. Needless to say I hadn’t a clue.
We haven’t spoke in a long time, not enough to matter. He was manufacturing and selling meth along with smoking it. It’s been going on for years and it has slowly sucked the life from under me amongst other “teenage problems” I guess. It’s been a the hardest three or four years of my life.
I’ve been with a girl for a little over a year now and not too long ago I left her because I was extremely depressed and just needed room to grow without the stress of a long distance relationship. I made it so she had no way of contacting me. She tried getting information from my mom about what was going on and she wouldn’t give it. Knowing that my father had a lot to do with my depression, my ex messaged my mother telling her to ask me about my dad. I’m happy she did because it was time I got it off my chest.
I told her everything, she decided it was best to take legal action and house the kids away from him until he was done and better. I hate it had to come to this. I know my father well (we’re just alike) and I know he’s been having a really hard time with all of this. I saw him once after it all and he had dropped at least 30-40 + lbs.
He’s been wanting me to come over and talk just me and him. The last time I saw him I told him we’d make a date. It never happened. I’ve had days off and was able to see him. I was always afraid of what was going to happen. I have so much hate and resentment towards him from when I was a child and he all but ignored me to get high, even stole from me to pawn and get another quick fix, just shit like that made me want nothing to do with him sometimes. I knew he loved me and I know now more than ever he cares. I just want him so badly to realize how much it affects the people around him. I think he has in the past couple of months.
Hearing about this stroke really upset me.. they haven’t even gone to court yet I don’t even know if it’s still going to happen. But as far as I know it is. I just want my dad back. I want him to be off drugs and lay low, prioritize. I think it’s time I go see him now.. definitely. If only banks deposited checks in 12 hrs. I need gas and cigarettes. FUCK. Probably won’t clear until about one in the morning… he’ll be awake.